Back to School After Divorce – Elementary School Age

Change is in the air, floating in on the late summer breeze. Another year of school is upon us. You’ve been gathering supplies and getting back to routines – and if you and your spouse have recently been through a divorce, there are additional preparations that you’ll want to ensure are completed before the start of the new school year. Both emotionally and logistically there are a number of areas to which it’s important to give attention if your family structure has recently undergone such a major change as divorce.

School can often provide an oasis for children who have seen significant changes at home. The comfort of friends and consistent routines, coupled with academic and extracurricular engagements during the school day offer solace. By being proactive and taking the following steps, you can ensure that your kids have been set up for success this coming year.

1.  Provide the School with Necessary Documents

In order to assist your child’s school administration with understanding the specifics of your new custody and parenting arrangements it is important that the school be provided with any applicable separation agreements, court orders or interim/temporary agreements. With schools caring for so many students, having these documents on file provides a quick reference for teachers and administrators. This information ensures that staff are informed as to which parent is the primary contact person on which days and who will be picking up the children from school. It allows the school to know which parent has legal decision making rights and whether they should or should not be providing that parent with access to the child’s educational records.

2.  Speak with your Child’s Teachers

Kids whose parents have recently split up are working to make sense of a new normal. Seemingly innocuous interactions with peers or a mention of family structure during a classroom lesson may inadvertently become triggers for children during these times. Touching base at the beginning of the school year allows a teacher the necessary insight with which to ensure sensitivity to all the children within his or her classroom. Teachers may choose to address lessons slightly differently, for example not taking typical parental roles for granted. It allows the insight to better understand a student whose behaviours may seem slightly outside of the norm and to support the child as needed. Most importantly, opening lines of communication early on in the school year and clarifying that they may contact you with any concerns or achievements shows a teacher that you are interested in partnering together with them to help your child achieve ongoing success.

3.  Track Expenses

Along with fixed monthly child support payments, the Canadian Federal Child Support Guidelines account for what are known as special and extraordinary expenses. Depending on your child’s needs during the school year, these may include such expenses as tuition, bus payments, fees for extracurricular activities, school books, supplies, lunches and others. In order to keep track of these expenses it is a good idea to keep a running list of the item, date and method of payment. It is also helpful to hold onto any associated receipts. Keeping this information organized, whether in hard-copy or electronically will undoubtedly help you and former partner when it comes time to processing special and extraordinary expenses.

4.  Get an App

Co-parenting? There’s an app for that! While nothing about co-parenting is as simple as just downloading an app, there are a significant number of co-parenting apps available to help ease the process. (We review our favourites here!) Whether you choose to use a paid app like Our Family Wizard or free services such as Google Drive, these and other similar tools offer shareable calendars so that both parents can track visitation schedules, extracurricular activities and due dates of school reports. Integrated file storage offers a solution for simply organizing expense receipts and children’s medical records. While some apps have fees for service, others offer free use. Whichever service you choose, co-parenting apps offer an excellent resource for parents looking to streamline their communication and are worth exploring.

5.  Prepare Your Kids

Change is hard and it’s normal for kids to carry fears when going back to school after a major family transition such as divorce. Take some time to sit down with your children and ask if they have any concerns. Feel free to offer prompts if they’re having difficulty articulating their concerns. Are they fearful of talking to their friends about the divorce? Are they concerned that no one will want to come to their house anymore? Let your kids know that it’s ok to cry, to feel sad, angry or alone. Validation of emotions provides a security that children not only value, but need. Reassure them that you’ll be speaking to their teachers about the changes in their lives. Let them know that they can feel comfortable speaking to teachers or the school guidance counselor as well. Let your children know that they can talk to you at any time, about any topic that comes up.

If your children will be experiencing mid-week transitions between homes, prepare them for this as well. Show them how the weekly schedule will work and ensure they understand how their belongings will be transferred between homes. Walk them through who will be picking up on which days and attending extracurricular activities in order to provide them with a sense of preparedness.

6.  Present a United Front

It is easy to overlook or underestimate the impact of your co-parenting relationship on a child’s school year. Whatever steps you can take to set aside your differences will only benefit your children. The details will, as always, depend upon your parenting arrangement, however if both parents are involved it is important that both be kept in the loop regarding your child’s education throughout the year. Creating consistency within the two homes and fashioning similar routines around homework, chores and bedtime will keep children transition smoothly between their two homes. Making clear to children that you as parents are in communication with one another creates an environment of caring and security for them and help them know that you can’t be played against one another. Remaining on the same page does not come naturally for all co-parents, however those who are willing to put in the effort have experienced the joys of unyielding reward, including children who perform better academically, are more secure emotionally and look forward to each new day.

Do you have additional tips for divorced parents sending their kids off to school?
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