Spring Cleaning After Divorce

Spring is a time for renewal. It’s a time when we throw the windows open, welcoming in the fresh air and the long awaited warmer weather (ok, perhaps still waiting for the warmer weather this year). We clear out the old to make space for the new. For some, the idea of a spring cleaning and a fresh start carries with it a poignant significance.

If you’ve been through a separation or divorce over the course of the last few months, you might welcome this opportunity to begin anew. While acknowledging the history that brought you to this point, there is a freedom that comes with making a fresh start. So where does one begin?

Clearing Out Physical Belongings

Even after going through the legal work of dividing property between yourself and your ex, you likely still have personal items that serve as physical reminders of the ended relationship. These items might include photographs, jewellery, souvenirs or other mementos. They are the pieces that elicit past memories when you glance at them; some tinged with pain, others perhaps bittersweet.

What affect do these memories have upon you? Do they lift you up or weigh you down? Do they hold you back from embracing your current post-relationship reality? Are some of these items ones that you might like to pass along to your children, now or at a later point? Might someone else find value in the pieces you are clearing away?

Though parting with personal items such as one’s engagement ring or wedding memorabilia often carries with it a wash of emotions, the act of doing so often brings with it a sense of closure. It offers a physical reminder that you are turning a new page and opening yourself to the new experiences that the future has in store.

Unpacking Your Emotional Suitcase

Do your remember that suitcase that once sat for days after you returned from vacation? The one you left partially unpacked until you couldn’t find your favourite piece of clothing?

Post-divorce, many grapple with the natural tendency to want to brush aside the feelings that inevitably arise, lest they overwhelm you. In truth however, our emotions are often very much like that suitcase. They remain half-packed, strewn to the side until some such point when we remember the significance of their contents. Do remember however, the sense of calm that accompanies having finally unpacked the contents of your suitcase.

In unpacking your emotional suitcase that, remember to:

• Give yourself time to grieve the relationship;
• Allow yourself to feel all the feelings;
• Acknowledge the specific emotions as they present themselves;
• Recognize your triggers and hot buttons;
• Create a proactive plan for interacting respectfully and at the very least cordially with your ex;
• Invest in yourself;
• Consider therapy or joining a support group.

Dusting Off Your Social Media

Online photo reels have in recent years taken the place of the traditionally physical photo albums that every family once owned. Whether on Instagram, Facebook or elsewhere, you may have been electronically documenting your family’s life for years now with shared anniversary posts and family photo uploads. So what are best practices after you and your significant other have parted ways?

Social media posts and pictures keep you rooted to your past in the same way that  physical reminders do. Depending on how often you are in the habit of posting, clearing out these online accounts can feel more overwhelming than even sorting through the physical.

While some choose to simply move along, leaving past posts in place, others meticulously comb through their accounts, deleting any past reminders of the relationship. There are a number of reasons why you may choose to take this route:

• Closure – Physical reminders = emotional clutter;
• It serves as a subtle PSA (public service announcement) – Deleting old social media posts allows friends and family with whom you aren’t consistently in touch to notice your change in relationship status subtly and independently. This can save you the painful task of continually having to broach the subject with more distant acquaintances;
• Moving on – There is something to be said for the opportunity to start fresh when it comes time for that next relationship. Your new partner does not need to be, nor likely wants to be, reminded of the good times you had with your ex. It is your and your children’s history, yes, however leaving old pictures up can be interpreted as a sign of your continuing to mourn the old relationship rather than being prepared to invest in the new.

Tidying Up Your Finances

Starting over after divorce offers the opportunity to really take control of your personal financial portfolio. Some steps you may wish to take during your post-divorce spring cleaning are as follow:

• Gather your financial documentation and ensure that you have accurate and comprehensive understanding of your current assets and debts;
• Create a budget that is reflective of your current financial situation;
• Open bank accounts in your own name;
• Arrange for a credit card in your name in order to begin building a positive credit score for yourself;
• Consider consulting with a financial planner, accountant or CDFA in order to better understand the financial implicationss of your divorce.

Note: it is important to consult with your financial professional and seek legal advice prior to closing any accounts or relocating any assets that are still jointly owned.

Do you have further tips or questions related to creating a fresh start and spring cleaning post divorce? Please share in the comments below.