The Power of Choice

Have You Ever Felt Helpless?

Have you been there, overwhelmed, feeling as though the circumstances of your life are beyond your control? Your dreams, goals and life’s trajectory have all been turned around, upside-down and moved just beyond your reach? It’s that feeling of the rug being pulled out from under you, the free fall, trying to catch a hold onto what you once had, yet it’s all suddenly gone. It’s frightening.

If you’ve walked down the road of divorce then chances are that you’ve been there. You know the feeling and you’re nodding your head as you read these words. The truth is, the feeling is universal, shared by just about each and every man, woman and child who has been touched by divorce.

What’s Around the Corner?

Predictability brings with it a sense of comfort. Within the earliest weeks after an infant is born, we see the natural emergence of the baby’s tendency toward routine and cyclical behaviours. As we mature, most of us continue to seek a similar sense of structure. Even those souls who thrive on spontaneity require some sort of reliable foothold with which to anchor oneself.

During the divorce process, all that we once knew somehow seems unrecognizably altered. Spouses become strangers. Schedules become uncertain. Financial stability is replaced by the need for support payments. Perhaps most difficult for parents is the idea of saying good-bye to their children for days at a time. What you thought you once knew is no longer taken for granted.

The Will to Choose

Have you ever considered what distinguishes humankind from all other living creatures? While animals act on instinct to satiate their hunger and other primal needs, the human race maintains a unique ability to stop, consider and apply moral weight to our decisions. We are gifted with the ability to learn from past experiences and apply this cultivated wisdom to our future endeavours. As creative beings, we have the ability to innovate, to learn and evolve, to create something, become someone who did not exist before this most recent hurdle.

See the incredible gift that is this reality. We are not our predetermined circumstances but rather the good that we choose to make of them. When we exercise our bodies we expect to feel the burn of exertion and relish in reaching it, knowing that this is making us stronger in the long run. Life’s challenges provide this same exertion for the soul.

Divorce is the ultimate training ground. It is where you can develop unbridled empathy, perseverance, self-awareness, selflessness. Will you allow the experience to transform you in this way?

Taking Note of Opportunities

Life is full of choices, if we choose to take notice of them. In every situation and at every juncture opportunities abound. These choices give us a sense that we are back in the drivers seat, able to determine our own path forward. These paths aren’t always predictable. Some are clearly marked while others seem unlikely; small and dusty footpaths – the road less traveled.

I named my business Choice Mediation and Coaching because I’ve seen the transformation, the empowerment that comes when an individual realizes that they do still have choices available to them, that they aren’t victims of their circumstances. My greatest joy is helping thse men and women to see the options before them, those yet untapped possibilities that lie ahead.

Divorce is not the end. It is a new starting point, a chance to start afresh and lay the groundwork for your future.

But I Never Planned to End Up Divorced

That’s true, most couples commit to one another hoping that it’s for life. Yet even when circumstances change and marriages dissolve, there are opportunities to forge your own path forward.

Amicable or contentious?
Respectful or insulting?
Litigation or mediation?
Kind or cruel?
Patient or critical?
United or divided?
Dignity or lowliness?
Involved or absentee?
Reliable or irresponsible?
Peace or antagonism?
Supportive or alienating?
Accepting or bitter?
Forgiving or merciless?
Present or passive?
Growing or stunted?
Learning or all-knowing?
Qualitative or quantitative?
Supportive or unyielding?
Transparent or deceptive?
Collaborative or secretive?
Positive or pessimistic?
Child focused or self-indulgent?
Transformative or destructive?

Who will you be?

No matter the circumstance, your response remains your own. When all else seems to fail, we can still choose our attitudes. We can choose our actions. We can choose to face what lies before us, working through our fears and moving forward.

What choices will you make?

A Word on Decision Fatigue

Perhaps in no other setting are individuals faced with so many decisions as when navigating divorce. There are long-term legal decisions to be made for yourself and your children. You are constantly determining whether to react to others’ provocations and if so, how? Determining who you can turn to for support, what your own next steps will be – it’s a lot.

At times we need to call in the reserves. When you feel that having to make one more decision will be one too many, allow yourself to rest and regroup. No one is meant to do this independently, going at it entirely on your own. During coaching sessions I work with men and women who need that additional support to guide them down this road less traveled, equipped with a toolbox of best practices, a map carefully constructed from having been down this path with so many others before. I will point out the rest-stops along the way, ensuring that as look out for those under your care, someone is looking out for you. In time, you will come out the other side and back into the light, I guarantee it.

The only remaining question is which route will you choose to take to get there?

To book your complimentary consultation, contact us here.