Just One Step Ahead

Dear Recently Separated, this post is for you.
Dear I Don’t Know Whether to Stay or Go, this post is for you.
Dear Overwhelmed Single Parent, this post is for you.

Dear Nobody Gets Just How Difficult This Is, this post, most of all, is for you.

For many, New Year’s can be an invigorating time; a time to look at the year ahead and dream of all that we are going to accomplish. After introspection and an assessment of how far we have come over the course of the past year, we create lists and charts elabourating upon the areas that we are going to improve in our lives. You might be looking at your health, your career or your co-parenting and evaluating the ways in which you could improve upon the status quo. You may feel inspired and prepared to make changes, ready to run out of the gates as that clock strikes midnight on December 31st.

But perhaps not.

Perhaps this is the year-end where you’ve felt bedraggled, alone and emotionally drained. Maybe your accomplishments have been simply making it through the days, holding down your job, keeping your little ones fed, clothed and cared for. That’s OK too. There is strength to be found in simply moving forward, one step at a time.

This New Year’s, know that your goal need not be an elabourate charted plan or a road-map to accomplishing lofty aspirations.

This New Year’s, I want you to focus only one step ahead.

We all experience life in seasons. While the societal accountability that New Year’s goal planning provides can offer a much needed push at times to look ahead, for those who are struggling in the here and now it can also present a jarring reminder of how overburdened you already feel. Whether you are struggling in a difficult marriage, newly separated and navigating the legal and emotional divorce or juggling it all as a single parent, perhaps this is the year where you would benefit from giving yourself that space to just be and to look only at your next immediate task.

I recently was speaking with an accomplished woman who had a high pressure career and a house full of children ranging from kindergarten through high school age. In looking at her demeanor however, you would never have known how full her days were. She seemed relaxed, present and able to offer her unhindered focus to whatever next required her attention. I asked her how she juggles it all and was taken aback by the simplicity of her answer. She said “I practice being present in whatever I am doing at the moment. Worrying about the future won’t change it, so why waste the energy? I’ll get to the next task when it’s time.”

As I work with mediation and coaching clients I see so often how emotionally taxed they feel, carrying the weight of their family’s burdens. While much of my practice, certainly as a coach, is focused on helping clients set attainable goals that they can work toward and achieve, this is always done with a realistic look at what is already on one’s plate.

There is a time and place for setting grand aspirations down on paper but that time is not necessarily the same for every person. New Year’s is a wonderful marker for many. For others, growth is not a goal but an byproduct of merely weathering the storm in the here and now. This New Year’s might be a time to just be.

If so, remember that there is nothing wrong with simply allowing yourself to look just one step ahead.